Jill decided to try this field trip exercise at an upcoming birthday party where she would be the guest of her friend Dana—who was also her learning partner.
She knew that she would only know a few people there.
Dana, Jill’s learning buddy, was just a few months out of a tumultuous five-year relationship with a younger woman. I was also really interested in seeing if there were any women who are closer to my age; women with a quality of depth which had been lacking in my other partners.
Dana set this goal for herself: At the next event Jill and I attended, I looked for the kind of women I’d normally approach (there were two) and I just watched their behavior throughout the party—including how they drank. I didn’t want to approach anyone unless something extraordinary happened--and nothing did.
Here was the new goal I set for myself and shared with Dana: Next time, I would make a plan to meet her in the middle of the party, and I would have to point out one or two guys I was interested in. Dana is a real estate agent, so she knows lots of people.
If she didn't know them, we'd strategize about how to meet them, but even if I wasn't ready to follow through, I'd at least feel like I was being more proactive than usual.
If you prefer to do this alone (and can’t be budged to reconsider! Exercise 1: Notice Your Patterns The next time you go to a party, bar, club or a gathering where there are single people, try this exercise: PART A: Change nothing in what you do. If you did this alone, go to a café or to anywhere comfortable, and write down your reflections.
PART B: Now pick one small change you'd like to experiment with in your next outing. If you’re always the aggressor, perhaps you might choose to be less action-oriented.
We talked for the next two hours—it turned out that we had some interesting professional connections.They are eye-opening and fun, and they will help you grow in self-respect while opening up new possibilities in your dating life.At a time when I had become particularly sick of my failure-ridden dating life, I began to ask friends for tips and help.Spending time together can be difficult as doctors schedules are erratic.Try to be understanding that their plans will often change.